Children play with toys

Is it ok for a child to be possessive when it comes to sharing toys?

It is quite normal for a child to be extremely possessive when it comes to his belongings, especially toys. However, all children react differently, let them make hysterical scenes, let them cry, let them get angry, and some get sad, withdraw, and suffer quietly. One thing is common to everyone, no one wants to share what is his, regardless of whether it is a brother, sister, or friends. However, parents can help their little ones overcome them possessiveness towards things.

What should I do if a child makes a scene because of a toy?

When a controversial situation arises, when your child refuses to give his toy to another child, you must manage to control the situation, but not to take matters into your own hands. Children are extremely sensitive to your messages, so if you strictly tell him to say ball to his younger sister, he may think that mom or dad prefers his sister!
Try to find a solution, not the culprit. Let them know that they are trying to overcome disagreements on their own. If things get out of hand in children’s communication, offer them several options to resolve the situation and try to remain neutral, even if it is an unknown child. Because you can be too subjective. It is not advisable to react violently when someone takes a toy from your child. In that way, he can feel that everything is allowed to him and that he later becomes extremely arrogant.

Try to distract the child from the other side when problematic situations arise. Never apply your educational measures in a public place, regardless of whether there is a reason for it. When you return home, calmly talk to your child about his behavior. Tell him, or rather invent a story in which, for example, a child does not want to share his toys with anyone, but in the end he forgets where he hid and cannot find him and plays with her…

The boy will not give his toy
The boy will not give his toy

What do parents usually do wrong?

Parents sometimes cannot control their reactions, especially if the child makes unpleasant scenes, but you must get out of the situation and try not to make the situation worse. Avoid forcing a child to do something. Just imagine a situation, how you would feel if, say, an acquaintance came to your house and took the book you were just reading or God forbid the TV! It also feels like your child to whom someone wants to take a favorite toy, keep that in mind.

Also, never snatch something from his hands because you can cause an even more violent reaction. Besides, it’s not a smart idea to tell a child to give a toy for five minutes because smaller children still don’t understand the concept of time. It doesn’t mean anything to them.

Playing together and sharing toys
Playing together and sharing toys


Teaching children to use words in communication with each other is not easy. We all have to work hard at home! It takes a lot of perseverance and practice. It is patiently work to develop in children the desire to share their toys with others, as well as the habit of waiting their turn. Therefore, instead of ‘sharing things’, we teach them to use things alternately, patiently waiting for their turn.

Dr. Laura Markham says: “Children should not be forced to share toys with other children; this will only slow down the development of their natural selflessness! Before they are ready to share things with others, children need to feel that they own something. Instead of giving toys to others, it is better to introduce the concept of waiting in line and sharing things. Eg: Now it’s Ana’s turn to use the bucket. You’ll do it later. Let’s do something together while you wait. ”

Positive family play
Positive family play

In adults, there are different opinions regarding children’s sharing of toys, and also the approach to solving the problem-quarrel. There are views that children should not be taught to share toys. What is your opinion as a parent, should a child share toys? Does a possessive child grow into a possessive person or not? What do you think about that?

Written by

Irena Canji

I am a teacher in kindergarten. I have been working with children aged from three to seven since 2000. Also, I am a mother of two kids. My son is a teenager and my daughter is going to kindergarten. My main goal through the website is to show that the process is more important than the product. In childhood, kids need to play, have fun, learn through their experience.

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